#crack prompts

[noahsresources]

PROMPTS FOR MUSES WHO ARE LITTLE SHITS™ !

for all the muses out there who like to mess with others!! mainly meant for platonic relationships, but can be used for romantic & antagonistic relationships as well! feel free to modify any pronouns, descriptor words, & objects for your needs!

FROM THE LITTLE SHIT.

words. ❝ how'd you like the fake spider in your room? ❞ ❝ hang on a second, i'm gonna record this — ❞ ❝ i took 20 bucks out of your bag last night. ❞ ❝ alright, that's it, time for the tickle monster treatment! ❞ ❝ oh, yeah? and what are you gonna do about it? ❞ ❝ i think i might have accidentally just hurt myself again. ❞ ❝ what makes you think you can possibly take me? ❞ ❝ outta the way, i was here first! ❞ ❝ sorry, i lost that a little while ago. ❞ ❝ hey, come on! it was just a prank! ❞ ❝ i'm seriously thinking about forcing that secret out of you. ❞ ❝ wait, did YOU say you wanted the last piece of pie in the fridge? 'cause i kinda just ate it ... ❞

actions. [ SING ] — sender starts singing raunchy lyrics around receiver [ WRESTLE ] — sender attempts to start play-fighting with receiver [ FINGER ] — sender flips receiver the bird [ LAUGH ] — sender tries to make receiver laugh [ LEAN ] — sender puts their full weight on receiver [ COLD ] — sender puts their cold fingers under receiver's shirt [ DRIVE ] — sender begins to drive very fast with receiver in the car with them [ FOOD ] — sender steals a bite of receiver's food when they're not looking [ BLANKET ] — sender pulls receiver's blanket off them while they're half-asleep [ PRANK ] — sender pulls a prank on receiver (bonus points if a type of prank is specified!)

FOR THE LITTLE SHIT.

words. ❝ hey, stop that! ❞ ❝ careful, i just got that new furniture. ❞ ❝ okay, okay, i'll do anything, just please stop tickling me ... ! ❞ ❝ god, you're such an asshole! ❞ ❝ i swear, if you do that one more time ... ❞ ❝ i didn't actually think it was that funny. ❞ ❝ aw, dammit, you broke it! ❞ ❝ you can't go 24 hours without having some kind of accident, huh? ❞ ❝ you just cheated! i watched you! ❞ ❝ if you even think about messing with me today, i will end you. ❞ ❝ are you drunk or something? because that was some of the weirdest shit i've ever heard. ❞ ❝ okay, i won't lie, that was actually pretty funny. ❞

actions. [ HEADLOCK ] — sender puts receiver in a headlock [ CHASE ] — sender chases receiver around in frustration [ RUN ] — sender runs from receiver to avoid being pranked/scared [ NUDGE ] — sender briskly nudges receiver in response to a snarky comment [ IGNORE ] — sender pretends to ignore receiver [ PULL ] — sender is dragged into pulling a prank with the sender [ CLEAN ] — sender begins cleaning receiver's mess [ WIPE ] — sender begins cleaning receiver's injuries after pulling a stunt that doesn't end well [ LEAVE ] — sender storms off in frustration after being messed with by receiver [ REVENGE ] — sender pulls a revenge prank on receiver (bonus points if a type of prank is specified!)

[helenababs]

step up your otp game by putting them in highly specific scenarios like enemies to lovers but in a ‘person who writes food recipes online x person who leaves a one star negative review because they didn’t have eggs so they used mashed bananas instead’ way

[unidentifiedseacreature]

Fun amnesia prompts (no heavy angst)

Character with secret identity/power wakes up with amnesia. They remember their secret but don't remember that their loved ones know, and now have to try to keep their secret from people who already know said secret.

Repressed character wakes up with amnesia and forgets their internalised homophobia. Character now has to try to convince everyone that they've been gay all along.

Character had huge lifechanging moment (got married/divorced, won the lottery, is pregnant) but got amnesia before they were able to tell anyone. How do they find out? What's their reaction? What's everyone else's reactions?

Pre-transition transgender character wakes up only to find out that it's been years and they're now post-transition. Cue absolute fluff of character having the best time admiring their body and being comfortable in it.

Alternatively, character forgets years of their life and is horrified to see that they're balding.

Character wakes up with amnesia and their offspring is so excited to see what their parent was like before they were born.

Character wakes up in a hospital room with no memory. There are multiple people in the room and there's a ring on their finger - now they just need to find out which person they're married to.

Character wakes up with amnesia and slowly learns more things about their life. Character uses their nurse as a sounding board as they try to figure out their life. Written in POV of the nurse. (POV outsider)

Character wakes up with amnesia and has concluded that they're an idiot. Because even them with no memories can tell they're way more in love with their best friend than they are with their current SO. (Extra point: character waxing poetic about best friend to the nurses.)

Character wakes up with amnesia and still thinks they're taken. Their loved ones and ex take pity on them and ex agrees to pretend they're still together until character gets their memories back. Character may have lost their memories but still knows something isn't quite right. Cue character being the absolute worst SO possible in an attempt to get ex to break up with them and ex putting up with an increasingly number of wacky things while trying to remind themselves it's temporary. (Extra point: ex finally has enough and yells at character, revealing the truth. Character is like "oh thank god.")

Character wakes up with a lot more tattoos than they remember. Cue loved ones telling character of the stories behind each tattoo. (Extra point: one friend starts lying and making up the weirdest stories)

[thewritersline]

In the future, humanity has learned to read the thoughts of the recently deceased. Once the technology was released to the public it became popular at funerals to play the last song the deceased was thinking of.

(Optional humor prompt continuation under the cut)

A group is gathered together, mourning the loss of a young classical musician who died suddenly and unexpectedly. At the appropriate time, the Final Song is played, and they wait to hear the musician’s last performance. Everyone is shocked when the lyrics burst from the sound system:

“Life! It never die! Women are my favorite guy! Sex! I’m wanting more! Tell the world: Stop The War!”

[imsociallyanxiousgetoverit]

Time in the Zone is called Hels after the brief period (very brief) where Hela was in power

Ghost Speak is just Animalese from Animal Crossing

[jinjeriffic]

DCxDP - Death and Taxes

Broke college student but also the Ghost King Danny looking at the stack of complaint forms in his inbox about people cheating death. In a stroke of sleep deprived inspiration, he issues a royal decree that anyone who has properly died before (I.e biologically dead, not just clinically dead) is still a citizen of the Infinite Realms, even if they were resurrected. And have to pay income tax to the Crown.

He establishes the Infinite Realms Revenue Service, recruits the ghosts of some meticulous accountants and sends them after all the assholes who think they can escape Death and Taxes. Starting with the worst offenders (ie those who have escaped death the longest/most often). Your tax bracket scales with how many times you died.

Just picture Ra's al-Ghul, in the middle of giving some speech to his assassin cult when this Phil Coulson looking ghost dude shows up behind him to "discuss the back taxes he owes to the Crown".

Every magic user worth their salt is suddenly swamped with messages from panicked villains and heroes who are trying to figure out wtf is going on and how to get out of this. Constantine is sweating bullets.

Danny hires Valerie to do mortal side "casework", because a, she's just as saddled with student debt as he is b, has worked fast food and knows how to handle asshole customers c, doesn't take shit from anybody.

Imagine Vandal Savage, Felix Faust and Red Hood awkwardly sitting in a waiting room with a stack of documents each, ready for their number to be called so they can dispute their claims. Being called in and utterly flummoxed at the unflappable, bored young woman at the desk who somehow has files on everything about you - birth record, death record(s), who you killed and when records... now declare your income as a crime lord/dictator/sorcerer, sir.

Meanwhile Danny is planning on how he can allocate the taxes to open a soup kitchen for Lunch Lady to work at and similar shit. He is determined to be a good king, dammit!

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

Brucie Wayne gets into a mild accident in public (read-got hit by a car). And Batman would just walk it off (“it’s barely a bruise”), but Brucie obviously… can’t.

So he has to suffer the ordeal of having civilians call paramedics, getting fussed over, and having-

Having his dead son get into the back of the ambulance with him.

Oh- oh no. He must have hit his head worse than he thought. He thought he was past this…

[flamingpudding]

Little Snippets #1

"Father, please do not scare the children."

"FATHER?"

Alfred let out a sigh at the children's reaction as well as his own fathers sheepish laugh as the man scratched the back of his head. Once more he couldn't help but marvel at how young his own father looked. But then again the fact that his father was by now a timeless being and rule of an entire realm likely contributed to it. He glanced at the still shell shocked children and stoic Bruce, a part of him took a bit of pleasure in their shock.

"Master Bruce, may I introduce to you my father." Alfred hummed indicating to the floating man with blazing white hair and glowing green eyes in regal clothing, well aside from the damned jumpsuit his own mother had never refrained from complaining about.

"Daniel James Fenton." The butler continued eyes crinkling with a smile as he watched his charges. "Ruler of the Infinite Realms."

"Just Danny is fine. Honestly it must be your mothers influence with how formal you turned out Al..." The man, Danny added reaching a hand out to ruffle Alfred's hair that Alfred sidestepped. Not because he didn't like his fathers show of affection, no because he had appearance to uphold and he didn't need to shock the children any more than he already had.

"T-that must be a joke, right Alfie...?" Jason spoke up being the first one to regain his ability to speak coherently.

"I am afraid not Master Jason. This man is indeed my father." Alfred hummed amused, he would think that with their near daily dealings with villains, aliens, supernatural and other beings they would be less shocked. But as it seemed his family didn't seem able to warp their heads around this. Surely they must have suspected some sort of supernatural connection to him, after all how do they think he was able to keep the entire Manor as clean as it is? He had his pocketwatch from his grandfather as his secret weapon after all.

[r3ynah]

NU UH

Jack Fenton, dialed his younger sister's phone number as he gazed apologetically at the family of bats, that was hanging around in his living room. he impatiently waited for the other party to pick up.

The Bat family remained stoic as they observed the man, they had or Batman had ordered to put the call on speaker, if ever the phone was answered, Robin had stared at the doorway leading to the kitchen there stood Jack's supposed oldest daughter Jazz. who only stared amused at her father's antics much to Robin's confusion.

finally after a grueling 10 seconds wait, the call was finally answered.

Robin held his breath awaiting for the voice he was expecting for.

"Yes, Ahki?" Talia's voice resonated, from the phone. making everyone's eyes except the Fenton family widen.

'what? mother never told me she had a brother.' Damian thought as he took a peek at his father's face who was scrunched up in confusion. same for the rest of his family.

"Talia, my dear ukht, I've heard from a few birds and bats that you have taken my son. on his fieldtrip." Jack said, his nervous and outgoing personality vanishing and what took place was a serious and angry tone of a father as soon as heard the caller's voice, making everyone in the room shudder at the sudden cold atmosphere while the oldest daughter remained composed and unbothered as she watched.

Silence came from the other side of the phone, before answering "It seems i have." Talia answered back, you can here the voice of a boy in the background asking if it was his dad.

"Stop with this false innocence of yours, bring my son back immediately, partly alive and safe." Jack stated, much to the Bats and birds confusion.

Silence once again, as the phone remained quiet seemingly put down on a table with a few whispers and shuffling. before it was picked up once again.

"Nu uh." was the only thing Talia said as she hang up.

everyone paused.

"The fuck you mean 'Nu uh'?!" Jack yelled, at his phone. While his wife walked their daughter's side who was laughing her ass off, confused she looked at the bats then at her husband and then just sighed.

"Dinner's Ready." she only said as she retreated back at to the kitchen.

[noahsresources]

MORE CRINGY DIRTY & FLIRTY PICK-UP LINES SENTENCE STARTERS !

this is extremely self-indulgent, don't mind me lmfao. feel free to use these for whatever you want and change any details that need to be.

❝ you're so hot, my zipper is falling for you. ❞ ❝ i love my bed, but i'd rather be in yours. ❞ ❝ nice outfit. it'd look even better if it were on my bedroom floor. ❞ ❝ roses are red, violets are fine. you be the six, and i'll be the nine. ❞ ❝ do you have any room for an extra tongue in your mouth? ❞ ❝ if you're feeling down, i can feel you up. ❞ ❝ my ideal body weight is yours on mine. ❞ ❝ your belt looks really tight. can i loosen it for you? ❞ ❝ there are 206 bones in your body. think you can handle another one? ❞ ❝ let's play carpenter so i can nail you. ❞ ❝ i'd tell you a joke about my dick, but ... it's too long. ❞ ❝ hey, i might be wasted, but the condom in my pocket doesn't have to be. ❞ ❝ i may not go down in history, but i'll go down on you. ❞ ❝ you must be a chicken farmer because you know exactly how to raise my cock. ❞ ❝ sorry, what's your name again? i want to get it right when i shout it later. ❞ ❝ you must be an elevator because i want to go up and down on you all day. ❞ ❝ i'd love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. and the ones on your face. ❞ ❝ if you were a toe, i'd bang you on every wall, table, and chair in this bar. ❞ ❝ sit on my lap, and let's talk about the first thing that pops up. ❞ ❝ do you work for UPS? 'cause you've got a fantastic package. ❞ ❝ want to play a game? i'll be the squirrel, you be the tree, and i'll bust a nut in your hole. ❞ ❝ your legs are like an oreo cookie. i wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle. ❞ ❝ i bet i can touch your belly button ... from the inside. ❞ ❝ how do you feel about doing some math in the bedroom? all you need to do is add me, subtract your clothes, divide your legs, and we can multiply. ❞ ❝ remember my name, because you'll be screaming it later. ❞ ❝ my doctor told me i have a vitamin d deficiency. wanna go back to my place and save me? ❞ ❝ if i flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head? ❞ ❝ my dick's been feeling a little dead lately. wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth? ❞ ❝ i'm no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight. ❞ ❝ is your name medusa? because the moment you look at me, i get rock hard. ❞ ❝ can you tell me what time your legs open, please? ❞ ❝ are you a rubix cube? because the more i play with you the harder you get. ❞ ❝ you look too god for a pickup line, so let's cut to the chase — wanna fuck? ❞

[roses-and-revolutions]

The Batkids get de-aged on a mission, and now they're all between the ages of babies, toddlers, and preteens. Bruce is losing his shit trying to find out if it's permanent or not while taking care of his seven even more unruly (lovingly) children. Alfred is doing his best to help Bruce with them but even admits that they need some assistance.

Que Danny Nightingale, a kid with a sketchy past and his own gaggle of crazy kids. Sure he had to sign an NDA to take care of a few kids but now he has room and board for himself and his own. What could go wrong???

A lot apparently.

[unidentifiedseacreature]

Cinderella Vampire AU where the heir looks for the vampire whose teeth fit their bit mark instead of the shoe.

[stars-obsession-pit]

Damn it, not again

Danny Fenton is fucking tired of rich fruitloops trying to adopt him.

At first it was just Vlad Masters. But no, it couldn’t stop there.

He moved to Metropolis City for college, and some bald guy tried to approach him talking about how he was interested in his family’s tech and they could use it to defeat Superman and lead humanity into a new age.

Which, fuck no, creep.

So he transferred to a different college in Gotham. And of course Danny can never have nice things, so the resident billionaire there had to take interest in him too after the city’s vigilantes caught him phasing through his house’s window.

Well okay maybe that one was on him, he could have been more careful with his powers, but still.

So he moved again, this time to somewhere remote with as few billionaires as possible.

…Where he then promptly gets kidnapped by ninjas and wakes up in the cult-y basement of yet another fruitloop, this time one spouting off about immortality and Lazarus something-or-other.

Where else can he go at this point!? Space???

…Nah, knowing his luck that’d probably end up with an alien fruitloop trying to adopt him as a pet or something

Maybe the deep ocean would work?

[amirmeavid]

I know the fandom generally agrees merlin and arthur would sort out the magic ban before getting married. But i got to say it would be objectively hilarious to watch King/Prince Consort of fucking Camelot, the OG magic hater, just prance around, lax as fuck because who the hell is brave enough to accuse the literal 2nd most important person in Albion of breaking the law? 🤣

Like just imagine all the dialogues that could come out of it:

Magic-Hating Noble: I watched the chair levitate!

Merlin: I was the only other person in the room at the time... :/

Arthur: Are you accusing your King Consort of sorcery? *royal angry face*

Magic-Hating Noble: No! No... sire.

Arthur: Are you... accusing yourself of sorcery?

Magic-Hating Noble: ...

*merlin in the background making no effort to hide the fact that he's literally reading a spell book*

Merlin: *Teleporting into a busy council meeting because he's late*

Everyone: *Stares*

Merlin:

Arthur:

Everyone:

Arthur: *clapping his hands* Anyway, lets get this meeting started!

Merlin: *coming back from very publicly creating a massive storm to defeat some magical attack* Weird weather we're having right guys?

One of Uther's Loyalists: *literal steam coming out of his ears but too traditional to contradict a royal*

Merlin: *swans off, spell book in hand*

Let me know if you want more!

PART 2:

https://www.tumblr.com/amirmeavid/763239515298103296/part-2-full-disclosure-i-was-not-expecting-people?source=share

[jinjeriffic]

DCxDP Crack Prompt

Danny is the Ghost King apparent. What he doesn't know, is that anyone who has died and come back to life is inexplicably drawn to him. Not necessarily in a sexual way, more like they subconsciously want to bask in his presence. And coming back from the dead applies to a lot of heroes. Basically, Danny is a catnip mouse tossed into a room full of bored cats.

Now the Danny gets dragged to a gala and meets the Bats is a classic setup, but also consider:

Danny at a tech convention, with various undercover heroes there to keep an eye out for potential mad scientists or inventions that supervillains might want to steal.

Adult Danny as the newest engineering hire on the Watchtower.

Tourist Danny at the Hall of Justice.

The heroes trying to figure out why the hell Ra's/Vandal Savage etc. are suddenly so interested in this random teenager.

Paramedic/firefighter etc. Danny at a disaster scene.

Danny at a superhero fan convention, where some heroes are present for a meet and greet/panel etc.

Meanwhile Danny is trying to figure out why he's suddenly so popular and any hero who hasn't died is trying to figure out wtf is wrong with everyone around them.

[ghost-bxrd]

*rubs hands together, slams palms on table*

Okay, you guys heard of “Jason inherited the adoption problem and now Tim is baby”, now get ready for…

Reverse!Robins, where Jason tries to steal from newly minted crime lord Tim and gets flash adopted before Batman can claim another one for his child soldier team!